Getting it right for LGBTQ+ weddings

​I’ve just conducted a wonderful wedding in Devon for Lou and Sarah.
 
There were kilts, there was fizz, there were fascinators. There was storytelling. There were tears and laughter. There was Buckfast and Tequila to toast the couple. There was a first dance. And I was home long before the last dance.
 
Lou identifies as gender fluid and it was really important for both to feel understood, valued and supported in their ceremony.

​They came to me after they’d had a disappointing meeting with a Registrar who didn’t really ‘get’ them. We sat down to plan together to create the wedding they wanted. Like every other couple I support, my aim is to help the pair design a ceremony that respects and honours who they are. I want to help them have a wedding that reflects their values.

I did with them what I do with any couple… I sit and listen to their stories. I ask questions about what matters. I want to know who they are, how they tick, what their ‘voice’ is. I want to use their words. I want to create moments that have meaning for them.
 
3 simple things stood out when I started planning with Sarah and Lou.
 

1. Lou is gender fluid, so prefers the personal pronoun ‘they’ rather than ‘she’. So that’s not complicated to sort.

 

1. Neither Sarah nor Lou identify with the notion of ‘bride and groom’… so we talk about the ‘wedding party’, not the ‘bridal party’. That’s not complicated either.

 

1. At the end of the wedding, when heterosexual couples might opt for a name change and the annoucement: ‘I give you Mr and Mrs [Smith]’, Sarah and Lou simply wanted ‘I give you the newly weds’. Again, not complicated.

​I’ve been carrying out ceremonies since before the law made it possible for same sex couples to marry legally. I identify somewhere on the spectrum of LGBTQ+ so it matters very much to me that this change in the law happened. And it’s been my privilege to marry couples of all genders.
 
Whatever a couple needs, I promise to do my best to help them craft a ceremony that feels right for them. That respects their choices. That is unique.
 
I will always stand up for their right to love.

TESTIMONIAL

​"Hi Barbara,

"We barely have words to express what a contribution you made to our special day (and performing under pressure due to lateness!)

"Your ceremony was beyond special for us, full of our personality, and fitted us so well.

"We had SO many comments on how much it felt like us, how it helped people to know our story, that people learned new traditions and how great you were. Also an appreciation for the LGBTQ+ family too!

"It really was absolutely beautiful. A huge thank you from Lou and I.

Thanks eternally,
Sarah and Lou"