I’ve just conducted a wonderful wedding in Devon for Lou and Sarah.
There were kilts, there was fizz, there were fascinators. There was storytelling. There were tears and laughter. There was Buckfast and Tequila to toast the couple. There was a first dance. And I was home long before the last dance.
Lou identifies as gender fluid and it was really important for both to feel understood, valued and supported in their ceremony.
They came to me after they’d had a disappointing meeting with a Registrar who didn’t really ‘get’ them. We sat down to plan together to create the wedding they wanted. Like every other couple I support, my aim is to help the pair design a ceremony that respects and honours who they are. I want to help them have a wedding that reflects their values.
I did with them what I do with any couple… I sit and listen to their stories. I ask questions about what matters. I want to know who they are, how they tick, what their ‘voice’ is. I want to use their words. I want to create moments that have meaning for them.
3 simple things stood out when I started planning with Sarah and Lou.
I’ve been carrying out ceremonies since before the law made it possible for same sex couples to marry legally. I identify somewhere on the spectrum of LGBTQ+ so it matters very much to me that this change in the law happened. And it’s been my privilege to marry couples of all genders.
Whatever a couple needs, I promise to do my best to help them craft a ceremony that feels right for them. That respects their choices. That is unique.
I will always stand up for their right to love.
"We barely have words to express what a contribution you made to our special day (and performing under pressure due to lateness!)
"Your ceremony was beyond special for us, full of our personality, and fitted us so well.
"We had SO many comments on how much it felt like us, how it helped people to know our story, that people learned new traditions and how great you were. Also an appreciation for the LGBTQ+ family too!
"It really was absolutely beautiful. A huge thank you from Lou and I.
Sarah and Lou"
In Scotland, Humanist celebrants can carry out the whole legal ceremony and we can do it anywhere – up a hill, on a sandy beach, in a garden.
These pictures are from Brian and Emma’s wedding on the banks of Loch Lomond this summer.
England are still waiting for progress. In England, a Registrar has to do the legal bit and they can only do that in a structure… a building.
This isn’t a problem.
For a wedding in England recently in the garden of a country estate, we split the ceremony in two. Halfway through, the couple disappeared with witnesses into a glass house to sign the paperwork then we carried on.
The other option is for the couple and witnesses to visit to the Registrar’s office the day before and sign the paperwork. Guests then attend the Big Day the next day – for all intents and purposes, this is The Wedding Day… identifiable by the cars, fizz, ceremony, cake cutting, speeches, food, toasts, dancing and general merriment.
So whether you want to be married under a tree on the solstice or up a hill in midwinter or in a lavender field in Provence, we’ve done it before, we know how it works… talk to us. We can always find a way to help you get what you want.
The A Quiet Revolution blog features updates from the celebrants of A Quiet Revolution and their friends.